


The Bible, Rewritten: Gamtav Edition

by Nothing_but_a_rainbow



Category: Homestuck
Genre: GamTav - Freeform, Kidnapping, M/M, Sloppy Makeouts, Sober Gamzee Makara, gamzee x tavros, gay relationship, i swear this isn't a crack fic, sailboats, theres some steamy time if ya know what I mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 08:16:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15681528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nothing_but_a_rainbow/pseuds/Nothing_but_a_rainbow
Summary: Tavros are Gamzee finally find their way into a relationship, however it all goes to shit when Tavros gets kidnapped and Gamzee is the only one who can save him.





	The Bible, Rewritten: Gamtav Edition

Tavros Nitram was standing on a hilltop wearing a very spunky anime school girl dress. (Because apparently dress codes don’t exist) The skirt flapped in the wind like a sailboat or some shit. He was waiting on the hill because somebody special came to this spot every single day after school-chan. Tavros’s one and only special, sugoi, anime, yaoi, boy crush Gamzee Makara came up here every single day. uwu. He came there to smoke weed but that’s besides the point.  
I hope Gamzee-kun likes me owo, thought Tavros-chan. Tav rwealy rwealy liked Gamzee and hoped to marry Gamzee-chan one day. Then Tav saw hot anime boy Gamzee loping up the hill, his yaoi hands swinging in the breeze like sails on sailboats.  
“Hey Tav,” Gamzee said his perfectly messy hair falling into place around his square jaw line. Tavros blushed tsunderaly. Gamzee used his giant hands to scoop a joint out of his bookbag (whoever says it backpack is slime) and lit it on fire. Gamzee inhaled. He did not exhale, he swallowed. And then ate the joint. How heroic.  
There was an awkward silence between the 2 boys, that actually wasn’t so awkward because one of the boys was high off his ass from weed curled in his dad’s divorce papers.  
“Uh. H-h-h-hi G-g-g-Gamzee.” stuttered Tavores nervously. He swallowed. “T-t-t-t-t-there’s something i’ve been meaning to ask you for a while Makara-senpai.” Wind whipped around the hill they were standing on making cherry blossom petals fall over their horns.  
“What is it bro?” said Gamzee sexily even though he was high. Tavros blushed even harder then exhaled. “Gamzee-chan senpai uwu, i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i have a crush on y-y-y-yy-y-y-y-y-yo-” BUT GASP. Before Tavore even finished talking Gamz lips were on his in a passionate yet brief kiss. TAVROS WAS GONNA S C R E A M.  
“GAMZEE-KUN I DONT LIKE YOU THAT WAY B-BAKA!” Tavros hit him on the head with a rubber duck.  
“Sorry bro,” Gamzee sighed emoly. “I’ve just liked you for such a long time, and ever since you broke up with V R I S K A B I T C H, I wanted to date you,,,, BrO.”  
“R-r-r--really?!” Tavros inhaled an anime gasp. TaVORE then kissed GAMZEE ON THE FUCKING LIPS AHHHH H H H H H HOLY FUCK.  
Then they had sloppy troll yaoi makeouts under the cherry blossom tree. Theyre love was like a sailboat. It was a ship that had sailed. Gamz and Tavs’ togues were like wet floppy snakes. (Yeah, snakes are cool. My cousin has a snake named Tavros.) And there hands were like Geogre Washington sailing the 7 seas and exploring.  
Before things could get anymore sexy yaoi owo, Gamzee stopped, checked his watch which was written on his wrist in Sharpie, and ran off back down the hill. Tavros was left in a state of shock and weird horniness.  
THe NeXt dAY,,,,  
It was Saturday that means you sat on you ass all day and didn’t do shit. Tavros was all up and lying in his bed thinking about Gamzee-katana-senpai-boyfriend-chan. Why had he run off umu, was i a bad kisser? >~< oh no DOSE HE HAVE A TERRIBLE YAOIEST SECRET.  
Speak of the Lucifer Gamzee was called tarvos right now!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!  
“Hewwo? G--g-g-g-g--g-GAmzee?”  
“This ain’t Gamzee you fuckin weeaboo shithaed.”  
“hEY FUCK YOU IM A FORTH JAPANESE.”  
“Yeah anyway fuck u, we’re at your front door.”  
“wHomst the fuck r u.” Tavors repleid to the voice on the phone. But it was ttoo late three black masked figures broke down Tavs door and tied him up with rope.  
“Oh\\\\\\\~~ how kinky.” Tavros then had a chair smashed over his head.  
~~~~~~~

GaMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ee Makara had run alway from tav because he had a TERRIBLE YAOIEST SERKET. (secret) It was that under neath all of his smoking pot he was actually a terribley badass anmiu boy with a tradgic backstory. When he was just a child Gamzee’s mom teh Grand Hightittys was murdered by asssasssassins. They cursed him so he gotted really mad really easy. So he had to take intense 

M E D I C A T I O N

Drugs. He took drugs.  
Suddenly gamzee’s pink glittery phone started playing Cuppcakke music because that was his ringtone apartenly. He picked up the phone and was like “W HA T?”  
“We got tavros and hes gonna die if u dont come to this location ri now.”  
Gamzee gasped then was mad then mummmered into the speaker in a guff animu voice, “lmao k.”  
~~~~~~~~  
When tavoresss woke up he looked anround and stuttered dazidly “d-daddy?”  
“Ew wtf you kinky asswaffle, he got knocked out agian bc he was being too weird.  
~~~~~~~~  
Gamze drove his truck down the road blasting the Gay Frogs remix out the windows. He arrived to the location sent to him via google maps. It was a wwarehouse because of course it was.  
HE FUCKING KICKED DOWN THE DOOR AND DID AN ANIME LEAP ON THE NEATHER GENERIC CAGE WITH NO PURPOSE AND THEN ONTO THE HEAD OF A WEAK BACKGROUND EXTRA THAT JUST MADE HIM LOOK STRONGER.  
People around him were screaming. He look particuallly badass today. HE TOOK ON FIVE FUCKIN EXTRAS AT ONCE AND BROKE THEIR PEE PEES. uwu After finishing off all the people in the first room Gamzevore went to find his love.  
He walked into the next room. It was drak except for a light shining down on a big swivley office chait.  
“WHO THE MOTHER FUCK R U!!” makara screeched. The chair swivvled around to reveal none other than Gamzzzz’z older brother Kurloz Makara!!! Kurloz was really hot aminu villina uwu and up behind him walked his furry wife Meulin (GET IT LIKE A FUCKIN CAT CUS SHES A FURRY)  
“Mlao wtf kurloz wtf u doin here”  
“I am the one who killed ur mum” Kurloz said even though he had his mouth switched together edgily.  
“NOOOOOOOO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?”  
“I dunno why’s ur bitch kinky?”  
“Why’s ur bitch deaf?” Gamzee retorted.  
“Okay this was fun now im bored.” Kurloz did a triple backflip off of the chair into Meulin’s arms and she flew away and then the cosplayed as Jack and Sally from nightmare before chirstmas and went to FurryCon 2018.  
Gamzee ran into the next room and sure enough Tavors was strapped to a chair. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
Tavros woke up( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and looked Gamzee in the eyes( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and said ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
“D-daddy”  
“Wow kurloz was right u r kinky” Gamzee looked around and said  
“Whelp there is no one else here.”  
“( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)” Tavros said.  
“( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)” Gamzee replied.  
Gamzee kissed tav on the moth and slipped his beautiful snake on a togue in Tav’s beautiful h o l e of a mouth. The kissing started to get very steamy ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉). Gamzee bit on Tav squishy neck. ( even though if we are technically speaking unless gamzee would have bitten really really lightly, tavros’ throat would have been ripped out bc troll teeth are meant for biting meat and being used as weapon but go off I guess.)  
“F-fuck” Tavros gargled.  
“No cursing in my Christian Minecraft server” Gamzee whispered sexily. Gamz removed his sexy clown shirt to reveal a rippling 64 pack. Uwu tavros though how smexy. Tavros removed his own shirt with gamzee’s help to reveal only a 24 pack. u~u how sad. THEN after 2 more mi-nuts of making out, Gamzee finally tore off his pants to reveal a MASSIVE CLOWN DONG. inside his bike horn patterned boxers of course.  
( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o) though tavros looking and gamz’s hoohah. His dangle wangle twitched suspicoiusly. Tavros looked from gamzee’s large breadstick to his flirty face. Gamzee helped removal tav’s panty whanties as well. THEN WITH NO WARNING GAMZZZZZZZZZZZZZ RIPPED OFF HIS POKEMON THEMED PANTIES TO REVEAL ALIENS DICK AND A GOOD  
P U S S PU S S  
Gamzee looked down and said “thats pussy babe” Gamzee ripped off his own panties to reveal the full l e n g t h of his dangly bit.( ° ͜ʖ °) ( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o) ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)  
I am now going to do the sexy bit in *rawr xD* rolepaly style.  
*Gamzee notices his cock a doodle doo raise in the air like sailboat flags.*  
*Tavros notcies this as well and makes ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉) that face*  
*Gamzee sticks his snakey wakey into Tavros biscuit.*  
*THRUST* *HONK* (AN: clown dongles make honking noises, thank you to my friend Faith for this wonderful idea)  
*Tavros moans like Moaning Myrttle who is kinky as fuck*  
*Gamzz= rides tavros like i ride my anxiety into a pit of shame*  
*sexy noises*  
(AN: Its almost 12 at night yay im so fuckin tired.)  
*END ROLEPLAY*  
Gamzee unties Tavros and they put their clothes back on and pretend like nothing happend. Gamzee found out that he really didnt give a shit waht happened to his mom as long as he got to pail his bf.  
The moral of the story is that sailboats are majestic and you shoudl never ever let me do something like this again. 

Comment if you want a pt. 2.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> its now 5 in the morning thanks I got a full 4 hours of sleep tonight


End file.
